Tuesday April 1, 2014
Hawaiian Organic Noni is happy to announce we’ve entered into an exclusive shipping contract with the colony of albatross connected to our farm. Given the long relationship between the albatross and ourselves, we trust them above all others with our product.
Each shipping albatross will be outfitted with a special carrier that will house and protect your items on their journey. More experienced fliers will of course handle longer trips to best insure the timeliness and integrity of your order. The working albatross are generously compensated in squid, krill, various fish, and of course, noni. Please feel free to tip your delivering albatross with any of the aforementioned items.
Rest assured, all of our shipping albatross go through rigorous training and certification. Please provide feedback via our website regarding this new and innovative program, as we wish to be stellar in our services.
The albatross are not currently involved in the manufacture of our noni products, although their union has broached the subject.
We are excited that this shipping program represents the beginning of a new era in albatross-human and perhaps animal-human relationships. We already have an annual albatross baby-naming contest, currently underway. As albatross mate for life, we are now conducting wedding ceremonies for newly committed couples. A small airport is under construction for albatross takeoffs and landings. And one of our employees, in an inaugural exchange program, has joined the albatross colony to learn their culture and understand the intricacies of their way of life. He is, however, having trouble with his flying technique but is enjoying his new seafood diet. In return, a senior member of the albatross colony has begun an internship in our administrative offices.
We believe these increased ties between albatross and human will usher in a new era of promise and possibility on the farm, as we build an even greater bond with nature. We will continue to grow organic noni naturally and sustainably, produce high quality products, and strengthen the bonds between Man and albatross. To quote our albatross intern, “This bond that noni has forged, let no man or albatross put asunder… And the era of the stork and carrier pigeon domination of the avian transit business has finally come to an end.”